Friday, March 11, 2011

I Lied and Started a Company

I lied and thus launched a company.

A little background first. I hated school. In 7th grade grade I took one of those "what-should-I-be-when-I-grow-up" tests. It came back with two choices... a bartender and a parking lot attendant.

Now not to say those are bad jobs, just not lofty careers to which middle school kids usually aspire.

So I made it through high school and went to college. I could barely decide what I wanted to do in college.

Originally I wanted to be a lawyer or an actor, but actors have it easy or tough. There's generally no safe route or middle ground. As for my lawyer aspirations, that was quickly dashed after about the first week of a law class and they said I had to do some reading. And not the Cliff Notes kind of reading. The actual book! Next.

Here was my way of picking a major...

"What's the easiest?" I asked.

"Well," responded a friend, "you can watch TV for homework if you get a degree in advertising."

I QUICKLY quipped, "Great! Sign me up for that one!" And that's how I chose my major.

I graduated with a solid 3.14 or something like that. I wasn't really keeping track nor did I much care. I just wanted to get out with a degree, not look like an idiot and have spent as much time ditching class for waterskiing or other fun activities as I could get away with. I did it just like that and had no intention of going into advertising.

Then I fell into a job at an ad agency. My friend's mom's cousin's lesbian partner was looking for an assistant. I said no. They said, just interview and see how it goes. I got the job. Uugh. I was a "Research Assistant" now. I was there for a year. I hated it. It was number crunching. I earned $20,000 a year and I was stuck in a town I hated, complete with winters. Gross!! I got busted once for printing my resumes at work.

I even tried to move out to California by flying out to Los Angeles for a week with the hopes of just not going back. My goal was to find a place to live and a great job at a movie studio in a week.

I remember my first day in LA, I drove up the 5, and saw a sign for Paramount. I got off the freeway and drove around looking for Paramount Studios. I was in the city of Paramount. If you don't know what that means, Google it. It wasn't good.

I finally made it up to Warner Bros. I was dressed to impress. Tie on, ready to conquer the motion picture industry. I drove up to the security gates and announced that I was there to get a job. They took my resume and in that drone, monotone, parking guard voice said, "We'll turn this into human resources and keep it on file for a year. If any qualifications match up, we'll call you."

Qualifications? What qualifications? I was fresh out of college with a few weeks as a "research assistant". I didn't HAVE any qualifications!! Maybe things will go better at Disney Studios. And so off I went to the dream factory, Walt Disney Studios. I'm sure you can guess what happened there. If you can't, just read the previous paragraph and substitute WB for Disney.

Not to give up after just two tries, I went to Universal Studios next. I GOT ON THE LOT!!!!! Oh, I was so excited! I went to the human resources department and they had a huge book of jobs. I started looking through it and found some jobs that in my head I was perfect for. On paper, I didn't exactly qualify for, but maybe it'd be close enough. I applied for a half dozen jobs or so, turned in my paperwork and they said, "Thank you for applying at Universal Studios. We'll keep this on file for a year. If any qualifications match up, we'll call you."

Seriously? You'll call me?! Can I call and follow up?


I have 6 days left to find a job at a major motion picture studio, and I'm running out of studios after just a few hours. I don't think it's going to happen. So I went to Disneyland for the rest of the week, before returning back to winter wonderland as a "research assistant." And there I stayed for one year. Broke, depressed, desperate to get out of there.

Then I got a call...

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